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A little patriotism for their U.S. Embassy visit!

Maya loves babies!

I would love to give you all the details of the last few days adventures, however, I am simply too tired to do so. We'll just sum it up for now that although painfully free of sleep, the flight to NY went great. Unfortunately we were an hour late and missed our connection to Detroit. We ended up having to spend the night in a hotel there and come home on Saturday. It was incredibly frustrating and disappointing! We just wanted to be HOME! My girlfriend, Bess, who was picking us up from the airport even had to drive down twice. Thank you Bess!

As hard as it was to admit though, we did realize that it was really a mixed blessing, as all 4 of us were able to sleep for 8 straight hours before boarding 2 more planes and the car ride home. It was also better to arrive earlier in the day, so the kids could explore and play some before it was bedtime.

Some sticker fun with the kid's new friend Sonya, who was immigrating with her parents from Moscow to Philadelphia.

Driving up to the house was so unreal! I couldn't believe we were finally here! The children were SO excited. Both Maya and Tristan, and the kids at home were SO excited to meet each other. They gave each other sweet little hugs and kisses, and Maya and Tristan and Isabelle loved it when Emma swung them around in the yard. When we went inside, Emma wanted to show them everything! :) She is so excited to teach them English and show them toys and have so much fun with them. Isabelle is also very excited and likes to rub Tristan's short hair and say that he is a cute boy!!! They LOVED the tramp and the playhouse and climber in the backyard and Maya keeps grabbing Alex's hand to lead him along with her. Alex seems very excited about Tristan. He keeps smiling at him and following him. They also LOVE the piano!!!

Right now all four little munchkins are taking their nap, as well as Jeff, and Emma is playing with Grandma downstairs. Last night we expected disturbed sleep from Maya and Tristan. Instead, they slept like rocks and Isabelle started throwing up (I think her body was simply reacting to all the emotions coursing through her, as she doesn't seem sick) for the first few hours of the night, and once we got her settled, Alex was up the rest of the night. I brought him to bed with us, which meant I didn't sleep hardly at all last night. :) I think he was just worried that we would leave again. It has been very hard on these little ones for us to be away so long. Both Jeff and I are ready to never see another airplane or suitcase again!

An unfortunate outcome of being raised in an institution with multiple caregivers and limited attention is a lack of trust and inability to be genuinely affectionate. Some children learn that if they act cute and smile, they can command valuable attention. The thing is, they don’t care who they get that attention from. Any kind of attention from anyone is better than no attention at all. Others will withdraw, keep to themselves and hesitate to let anyone in. In all, they have never learned to trust another human, to truly rely on a person. They cannot relinquish control to anyone because they have never learned trust.

This makes becoming the parent to one (or two) of these children difficult. Maya and Tristan need to learn that Jeff and I are their Daddy and Mommy and that our other children are their siblings and that we all love them unconditionally. That we will forever be there for them. That they can trust us to provide for their every need. That we will teach them right from wrong. They need to learn what a family is. In learning to trust us completely, they will learn how to foster healthy relationships later in life.

We plan to teach them all this by keeping their world small and their routine consistent.

Often, these children are left in their cribs for extended periods of time and must find ways to entertain themselves, comfort themselves when they are stressed or scared and lull themselves to sleep. This could mean staring at their hands or feet for extended periods of time, which tends to make them cross-eyed. As a physical manifestation of the inconsistent care and attention, when it comes to dealing with stress or falling asleep, many suck fingers, rock themselves from side-to-side or bang their heads.

Tristan sucks his thumb and Maya is a MAJOR rocker. We can tell immediately when she is nervous, stressed, overstimulated or tired. She immediately rocks, side-to-side. In time as attachment progresses, we hope she will trust us enough to be her first thought for help and comfort.

Please understand if the John family ”goes into hiding.” We will need to lay low for a while and gradually reenter our social circles over a period of time. The next few months (or longer if necessary) will be devoted to getting our children used to their new lives. I promise I will keep everyone posted on the progress via this blog. This adoption process has been a wonderfully crazy adventure and a lot of emotion and work. But I think the bulk of the emotion and work is yet to come.

Thank you all for your support and prayers!